The infamous Xopl dot com.

mpls vice

<< Aug 8, 2006 @ 12:21 >>

So Darth Video and me were trying to figure out which movie to see yesterday. We both agreed that Devil in Prada was probably going to be really good, but also that it would be a suitable DVD rental... lacking anything that really needed to be seen on the big screen. Colin suggested Miami Vice, which I figured was going to be fairly terrible. I'm a sucker for horror, even assuredly bad horror, so I decided to compare it to Lady in the Water (aka Suckers in the Theater). Rotten Tomatoes already had Miami Vice way out in the lead with a strong 49% approval, versus the measly 22% of Lady in the Water. The negative reviews of Lady in the Water make it sound like the steamingest pile of shit ever. However, let us consider some of the bad reviews of Miami Vice:

"A dark pastiche of murky drug deals and menacing thugs sans the tongue-in-cheek humor and neon nights of television's crayola-washed classic."

I'm not at all sure what a pastiche is, but I'm sure liking how it sounds when it is dark. Drug deals. Menacing thugs. This is a negative review?! Thank god they got rid of the neon lights and tongue-in-cheek humor. Who wants that? And crayons are for sissies.

"Gone are the pastels, the pet alligator from this dark, gritty modern-day version of the '80s TV show. Unfortunately, gone too is some of that fresh style that made the show unique, leaving us with just another dark, gritty crime drama."

So they've taken a solid base and scrubbed it of the cartoon colors. Left with a dark, gritty crime drama? Sounds like my kind of movie! Are you sure you're trying to tell people this is a bad film?

"Has a lot to look at but little to actually watch. The plot is a standard 'cops go undercover to expose drug ring' story, and the characters have no personalities."

Cops going undercover and exposing a drug ring!? SWEET! Fuck YES! I figure by "no personalities" this reviewer meant, "They spend so much time kicking ass, shooting guns, and blowing shit up that they don't get much chance to yabber on about how hard it is being a cop." Sign me up.

I just realised that Rat-Faced Killa should have been doing this review.